I click on the bookmark I have saved for io9 because, from what I hear, I’m a middle-aged techno Luddite who uses bookmarks and a desktop browser. I look up in the upper corner to see if my witty witticisms have gained me a star or two. Those little blue notifications of my negligible impact on humanity. How I live for them.
There were twenty notifications. I groan, “Ahhhhn, fuck. Did I piss off some guys with anime girl avatars again?” That happens a fair bit to me. It would probably happen less often if they weren’t so damned wrong all of the time, but it is what it is. Flexing my dismiss button finger, I click on my notifications and enter the world of Kinja.
“io9 started following you. ”
About damned time!
“Gizmodo started following you.”
Isn’t that the same thing?
“Deadspin started following you.”
Does this mean I’m banned from Jezebel now?
“The Stacks started following you.”
What the fuck is that?
I was ungreyed at Deadspin and Gizmodo. These along with Kotaku means that I’m part of the way to being an acceptable human being on the network. Okay, they’re the three main sources of guys with anime girl avatars on The Network Formerly Known As Gawker but you take what you can get. Beautiful Jezebel remains beyond my grasp. But one day, after I drop some weight and learn how to do personal hygiene better, she too shall love me.